Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
