i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
