just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
