I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
