Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
