thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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