Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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