Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
