Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
your like the ambassador to my penis.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
