I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
