not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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