Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Send help, water and tortillas.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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