Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
