I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
