you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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