Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
