She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
