you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
