Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
