party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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