she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
