Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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