i love accidental penises.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
