We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
