im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
organizing the empties. That sober.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
