You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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