I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
