I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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