apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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