I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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