Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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