i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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