All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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