I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
