I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
