Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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