Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
cat food counts as protein by the way
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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