Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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