Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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