Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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