i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
