Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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