i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
