Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
