There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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