he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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