: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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