I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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