I hate all girls vehemently.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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