Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
