she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
