finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
