His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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