You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
